A Lost Story of Pirates of the Caribbean
by Earenduriel
Summary: Will and Jack go on the search for Christmas presents.:.who knows what could ensue.:.
1. And So it Begins

A Lost Story of Pirates of the Caribbean  
  
Chapter One: And So It Begins  
  
"...Imve tir rhûn" Will sighs as he watches the sun rise over the edge of the sea, the water looking like molten gold.  
"What the bloody hell are you saying? Either you or I've had too much rum," Jack stops here to take a gulp of rum, "...and I think that it's you, mate."  
"No, Jack. I'm bilingual."  
"What do you mean you're bi-..." Jack's head falls onto the tabletop in front of him. Will looks around to see if anyone heard Jack.  
Jack's head pops up again, he holds a finger up and says in a slurred way "Bilingual?"  
Will sighs and walks behind Jack. Jack watches Will with suspicious eyes as will find an oar *miraculously* and whacks Jack on the back of the head. Will walks over to Jack's right hand and grabs the rum. He opens the door of the pub they were in and runs out onto the street with a huge, giddy grin on his face. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Jack wakes up and screams, "Bilingual my clean, undirty butt!" and falls back to sleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
A few hours later when Jack was over his hangover, he and Will went ashore. They landed the Black Pearl in Port Royal and were on the search for Christmas presents since...well...it was almost Christmas.  
Will looked at Jack who had already put his hands in the air and was rambling almost inaudibly. Jack, who was looking down a street full of shops, looked like he was going to have a heart attack.  
Will took note of where Jack was looking and also looked that way. "Jack..."  
"No time to talk, mate, here! We'll go in this shop first!"  
Jack pulled Will into the nearest shop. They looked around and saw a man standing behind a podium. The man said "Hi, I'm Ed and I... I have a problem." There was a half circle of people around the podium, and they replied "Hi, Ed."  
Jack looked at Will with a horrified expression as a huge, hairy woman came towards him. "Will, I just wanna let you...ugh..." Jack never had the chance to finish his sentence since the hairy woman (who reeked of cigars and garlic) grabbed him and dragged him to the podium.  
"I do believe I smell rum on your breath, sah!" She growled at him.  
"No, no, no! Love, you really don't!"  
"Yes, I do. Now, tell your name to the group and we'll help you with your problem."  
"Hello...my name is Jack and" he looked at Will, "this is the opportune moment!"  
Will opened the door and Jack dove off the platform behind the podium out the door.  
"That was a close one, mate!"  
"Jack Sparrow!" someone yelled.  
"Oh, bilge-monkey!" Screamed Jack.  
"Mr. Sparrow."  
"Captain Sparrow, love, cap-"  
*smack*  
"I wasn't done speaking! I am Lieutenant Gillette and I am putting you under arrest."  
"But why, love? Things were going so well! I know! I'll get you a Christmas present! Will and I are going shopping today..."  
Gillette looked intrigued and replied, "What could you possibly get me?"  
"What you need is to lighten up, sooo I'll get you everyone's favorite gift!"  
Will rubbed his forehead, thinking of what was coming.  
"I'll get you a keg of RUM!"  
"Sir, I do not think..."  
"Well, we've got to go now. Ta!" Jack ran off with Will in tow.  
Gillette looked at one of his fellow officers and said, "I think I'm going to have a headache." 


	2. Of Shopping andrum

**_Disclaimer :_**Okay, to get all of the disclaimer stuff out of the way. I do not own POTC, Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp (although I _could _probably find them on E-Bay...) and I also do not own the characters they play. Sighs I'm off to E-Bay now.  
  
**Chapter Two: Of Shopping and...rum...**  
  
"What was _that_ all about, Jack? Now you'll actually have to buy him something." Will commented.  
"Well, what could I do? But you do notice how rum can get you out of every situation!" Jack waved his hands around to make his point.  
"Or into worse ones," Will stated.  
Jack rolled his eyes, and they stopped and looked at sign that said 'Pets and More Shoppe'. "Oo! Oo! We've gotta go in here! Let's go, Will!" Jack grabbed Will's arm so hard it felt like there would be bruising.  
"No, Jack! I'm not going into that pet store! Do you know how _bad_ it'll smell?!? And what if you get bitten by something and get diseased?" Will said with a terrified expression at the thought.  
"Then I know what can cure it! **_RUM_**!" Jack ran off wildly in the direction of the pet store, arms flailing wildly about and had a crazed look about him.  
'_I truly don't want to know_,' thought Will, '_where to go...where to go...hmm, this shop looks interesting._' Will stopped to fix his shirt (it was unbuttoned at the collar) and walked into a shop with a sign that said 'Rare Jewelry Finds'. There was also a 50% off sign in the window.  
Once the door was opened, Will was hit by the smell of lilac and rose perfume. The air seemed to be laced with the horrid smell. Will was about to walk out when a strange looking woman came up to him.  
"Velcome to me showp, sih! Vould ye loik me to show ye me finest fixings for that lady," she looked out the window and saw Jack knocking on it, "or man in your life."  
Will waved Jack away and glared at the woman. "Excuse me, ma'm, but..."  
"Eet doesn't mattah, as long as ye buy sometheeng. Here, looke at thees rare medallion!"  
The strange woman pulled out a familiar gold medallion. Will looked at her strangely and said, "Where did you get that?"  
"Well, it's a strange storey. Thees little monkey gave it to me, believe eet or not. I saw heem in the street, and I said 'come here little monkey', and he came over. I tried to get heem in me pot at home on the stove, but he gave me the medallion and ran..."  
Will gave her an incredulous look and said, "Okay, I think I'll be going now." He quickly turned on his heel and then ran out of the door right into a waiting Jack.  
"Oh! There you are, mate! Why'd you wave me away like that?" Jack poked Will in the chest to emphasize each word.  
"Jack, it's a long story. What is that in the cage? Jack, what did you buy?!?"  
Jack pulled the cloth off the cage and said "_Ta dah_! No we have our own helper monkey! She can clean the ship, cook and who knows what else we can teach her!" Jack looked so proud of himself, he was beaming.  
"You bought...a helper monkey? Do I even want to ask what's in the bag?"  
"Oh, this? Well, if she's going to be a maid and everything..." Jack pulled something out of the bag.  
"You bought her a _French-maid _outfit? Jack!" Will rubbed his forehead and got his second headache that day.

* * *

_An hour later on the Black Pearl_

* * *

"So, Will, didya get me something good for Christmas?" An eager Elisabeth asked.  
"Well, we kind of had some incidents, so I'm going to have to get you a present tomorrow." a shame-faced Will answered her.  
"What do you mean by incidents? We had a **GRAND** oldtime!" Jack slurred the last two words and one only had to look what was in his hand to find out why.  
Will shook his head in disgust as the new helper monkey ran about on the table in front of him with a feather duster in her tiny hands. Jack named the little helper monkey Elisabeth after one of his favorite people. Will shot Jack a look that could've killed, but Jack didn't notice since he seemed too entranced with his reflection in the round rum bottle.  
"Ya know what love," he said to his reflection, "you and I could really go places! Travel the world, pillage and plunder, and the best thing we're going to do is drink RUM!!!LOTS OF RUM!"  
Will and Elisabeth looked at each other and sighed. "Well, by the rate that he's going, he'll have a hangover in the morning. That means that I can go back to that strange shop without a crazy man hanging about me." Will said more to himself than Elisabeth. 

"What shop are you talking about?" Asked a confused Elisabeth.

"Well, this is what happened…" Will related the strange story of the crazy woman with a gold medallion from the cursed treasure of Cortez.

Okay people, please review!! I know it slowed down a bit at the end, but it'll pick up next chapter! I promise! :) 


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